Maintaining a long-distance relationship as a student or young person

University life is about making a fresh start and gaining a new independence: you are young, free and looking for adventure. For most people, the late teens and early twenties are not the time to invest in a relationship with a partner stuck somewhere else…miles away. But what if that’s what you want?

You can of course choose not to participate in the dreaded long distance relationship. That’s what your friends and family might tell you: “this is the right decision to make”. But if like me you think the difficulty outweighs the regret, and if you’ve found someone who at least makes you want to try long-distance love, here are some tips to get you started.

Keeping a relationship at a distance if you are a student or young person

Long distance relationships when we are young: a common thing

You may not know it, but young couples from a distance are numerous!  Holiday love, Erasmus and other programs abroad, travel, work abroad in a holiday camp or meetings on the Internet:   there are plenty of opportunities to find love when you are young or a student . The university, like parties and trips, are good places to meet a lot of people.

There are generally three cases in  which young people or students choose to try to love each other from a distance:

  1. You’ve known your sweetheart for years and moving away from them to go to college is just another step in your relationship journey.
  2. You met someone less time ago, at university or on vacation, but had already started a relationship when they had to leave (for an Erasmus program, an internship abroad, etc.), and want to still try to continue the adventure from a distance to see if it can work
  3. You met on the internet

In any case, you are now faced with weeks without your significant other, and you want your relationship to work as well as possible.

Above all else, set your limits

Take the time to discuss the terms of your relationship as soon as it starts.

Some young people or students will want a non-exclusive relationship, others will find it difficult to keep in touch … So define:

  • What do you want from this relationship (are you sure you want to stay together long term?)
  • When will you end the distance (When one graduates from college, who will join the other while they finish their studies? By the time both are ready to find work?)
  • Will the relationship be exclusive, or will everyone be able to “see elsewhere” to avoid frustration?
  • How often can you talk to each other? Are your schedules compatible?
  • How often can you see each other?

It may seem premature, but getting off to a good start by answering these questions will help you move your young couple forward in the long run . Being in a long distance relationship in college can work yes, but only if you have the same desires and goals!

Already organize your next visit

Avoid spending time away from your boyfriend/girlfriend for an indefinite period at all costs. Being apart from your partner is tricky , and will never be the ideal situation, but the best way to reduce the misery of that distance is hope…and without a new date set, it’s hard to keep hope alive!

In the middle of a visit, or perhaps right after a visit, plan the next time you plan to see each other. Book your plane ticket, choose your train seat, whatever it is. Always start from the idea that there will be a next time.

Do not neglect your studies for the benefit of your long-distance relationship

In “relation at a distance to the university”, there is…university. Your studies are a bit of a guarantee that everything will go well in the future! It may seem silly to recall it, but it is nevertheless crucial not to let yourself be drained by a long-distance relationship when you are young or a student, and to invest too much energy and time in it. It’s all a question of ratio!

Keep your student life, even with your relationship

Having someone to lean on and offer you emotional support is a wonderful thing, but one of the most important facts to recognize when you’re in a long distance relationship, especially when you’re young, is that you will live adventures together and others separately .

Cultivate yourself and build a life with your college friends and ambitions that will help you feel useful even during the long weeks you spend without your partner. While it’s perfectly normal to feel lonely at times, especially when you’re around other couples who see each other often, try not to dwell on what you’re missing, but instead focus on what’s right. right in front of you.

Dealing with criticism

Make it clear to anyone who tells you otherwise that yes, you are a responsible person who is quite capable of being in college and having a long-distance relationship while being a student. Do not listen to the opinions of nicknames “friends” who would explain to you why your relationship would be worth nothing. Nor those of your family who would ask you to be reasonable and put an end to your still young distant love to concentrate on your studies if you feel that combining the two brings you only positive!

A distance relationship… student rate!

Being a student is not the easiest solution when you embark on a long-distance relationship: youth often goes hand in hand with a lack of budget…  Learn to be resourceful and save money on your journeys. Student discount, carpooling and train cards will become your best travel friends in a few months! By booking in advance , especially on your plane tickets and hotels if necessary, you will also save a good amount of money . Also look on the Internet: plenty of couples in the same situation have found ingenious solutions to save here and there for their long-distance relationship thanks to student offers.

Communicate clearly and frequently

Communication is a fundamental aspect of any couple. In a long-distance relationship, however, the stakes are arguably much higher , and poor communication (or lack thereof) could end up being a deal breaker in the long run. Arguments are usually worse and escalate much faster than conflicts you have in person.

If you used to see each other before (for example, if you were together at university before starting your long-distance relationship), the way you communicate will change . Where before your texts might have consisted of “Yes, I’ll be there in five minutes”, and “I’ll bring the pizza back”, now you won’t be able to chat in real life. So talk more by SMS to compensate for the lack of real conversations : ask yourself how your day went, discuss your activities… also take the time to call each other by videoconference on Skype or FaceTime.

Send you surprises

If you’re away from other people for an extended period of time, you can also send your significant other something, like a surprise package or letters . This kind of little attentions are never bad things and you will please your partner! To please him/her even more, choose your moment well: You know that he/she will soon have to pass his/her exams and is stressed by his/her work at the University? Send him a small box of chocolates or a nice letter! It’s a kind of way to get closer even while being in a relationship at a distance , which will have its effect.

Be honest with each other

It’s important in any relationship, but when you’re on long distances, maintaining an honest and open dialogue is essential , even when the relationship is young. Both of you are going to be going through so many things and feeling so many different things. If you’re not honest about the tough stuff, you risk breaking up.

And you, are you in this situation? Do you manage to reconcile studies and relationship without seeing your partner?

Author: Erika

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