Jealousy, Possessiveness in a Long Distance Relationship: How to overcome them?

Jealousy is one of the main problems encountered in long-distance relationships. And for good reason: it is impossible to know what your partner is doing, or where he is. This is why trust has its place! What to do then in the case of excessive jealousy on your part or that of your boyfriend / girlfriend from a distance? Some tips for a healthier relationship.

Overcoming Jealousy & Possessiveness in Long Distance Relationships

Jealousy: a natural fear… that we can overcome!

We are afraid of losing what we have, and that is natural . Jealousy arises from our fears of losing the person we love. It’s not a bad thing to be a little jealous, it shows that you care about the person. It’s even a normal thing sometimes, especially when you’re separated from your spouse.

But sometimes, this possessiveness takes on disproportionate proportions, far too much, and becomes harmful for both of you as well as for your relationship. Don’t get paranoid! Left unchecked, jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, hatred and shame. So learn to control your jealousy in your couple from a distance before it controls you. Of course the question is “how to do it?”

The reason why we are afraid of others

If you love your companion, it’s because he has many qualities. He’s a great person, and whether you noticed him for his smile, his good humor, his humor or the charm he exudes, he has it all. And if you noticed it, many others will too! And that’s normal, there’s nothing wrong with that. It is then up to your partner to refuse advances. But the fact of thinking that can bring more jealousy than reason, which risks becoming harmful for your couple. We imagine things easily, which can quickly make us possessive in our long-distance relationship. It is true that separation does not help.

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Jealousy is sometimes a good thing

If you instinctively sense something is wrong and feel jealous, there might be a good reason for it. Don’t consciously ignore the signs that your partner may be cheating on you.

If your partner gives you real reason to doubt their commitment, affection, or faithfulness, then feeling jealous doesn’t mean you’re irrational or weak. In these cases, jealousy is beneficial since it ensures your safety. It’s a way of asserting your standards and respecting yourself, declaring with your head held high “I won’t allow you to treat me like this” .

This kind of insecurity is part of every relationship. On the other hand, if there is no real proof that your partner is unfaithful to you, you should work on your jealousy before it sours your long-distance relationship and gets in the way of your happiness.

“My partner is too possessive or jealous”, what should I do?

In the event that it is your boyfriend or girlfriend from a distance who is possessive with you, even paranoid, try there too to discuss and direct him to the right questions :

  • why don’t you trust me?
  • How can I prove to you that I’m loyal to you?
  • Are there any actions that have scared you in the past, from me or from previous relationships?

Try to find the right words to show her that you care about her needs. “I understand your fear, and I’m sometimes scared too you know. But I love you so much, I know how much I care about you, and I won’t do anything to hurt our relationship.”

If despite all your talking and trying, your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t showing less jealousy, it may be time to end your long distance relationship and leave your partner …even though it may be a blow. , take the time to think about it. Remember an end is only the herald of a new beginning

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“I am too jealous”: understanding the causes of your possessiveness

Jealousy that is just ignored and repressed will not go away on its own. Instead, the worries, doubts, and suspicions that fuel your jealousy will grow and become more insistent and powerful . Over time, this can affect your mood and lead to bad behavior towards your partner, such as attention-seeking or constant, unfounded accusations.

So instead of ignoring your feelings, ask yourself the right questions to determine the causes behind this behavior.

Why do you feel jealous?

This question probably has more than one answer . You may not be able to unravel all the reasons why you feel jealous, but every element you can point to will be easier to dismantle. Work on yourself to determine where this jealousy is coming from. The cause was in a former relationship? Has anyone betrayed you? Deceived? Lied?

Once you’ve found a cause, it’s easier to come up with an action plan to take it down. Think:

  • To situations that make you jealous,
  • Specific things your partner does or doesn’t do that fuel your jealousy
  • If your jealousy is a general problem if it’s pointed at a specific person

Talk about the reasons for your jealousy with your partner

As always in a long distance relationship, to overcome jealousy, communication is key. Try to explain to your partner how you feel, without minimizing the negative impact of this jealousy on him/her.

“I realize that I am being too jealous of you, and too hard on you on a daily basis for this reason. I thought about it you know, and I realize that the problem is not yours. I’m scared [because I feel like you’re very close to X], [because I’ve been cheated on in the past], [when you go to a club, because I know how much anyone else would think you’re awesome]”…

If you’re looking to work to stop this behavior and your significant other feels it, they’ll guide you through this . Without possessiveness, our long-distance relationship will be healthier and make you both happier.

Pathological jealousy and a long-distance relationship do not mix

When one is jealous to the extreme, in excess, it is then a question of unhealthy behavior . I confide to you that I was in the beginnings of my distance relationship.

Possessive, I had become toxic for her. I didn’t want her to go to parties with friends, for fear that she would meet someone, I was suspicious of each new person mentioned, I asked myself a thousand questions when she didn’t answer, called her at repetition I was going crazy! So much so that my unhealthy jealousy almost destroyed my long-distance relationship.

Of course these are not normal reflections, and I am aware of that. It is an irrational and deep fear that could have destroyed me as much as Sara. Irrational to the point that I even became jealous that lots of people had the opportunity to meet her every day (at work, in the metro, in the street…) without realizing how lucky they were. I found that somewhat unfair, I think that deep down I wanted to think that since I realized that she was exceptional and not them, I deserved to meet her more than the most carefree of passers-by. paranoia. Fortunately, I was able to get through this bad phase, and today we live in a much healthier relationship.

In the case of unhealthy jealousy, it is important to become aware of your behavior very quickly, to prevent the phenomenon from getting worse. Or to make it clear to his/her partner…

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Take a step back on your relationship, and on the situation

If you’re being overly possessive in your long-distance relationship, it’s because you’re scared. Fear of being cheated, replaced and hurt. So ask yourself what you risk in the worst case. And the answer is simple: at most, you risk a rupture. Of course, this is undesirable. But if it had to happen, it would not be without good reason , and even if it is a difficult ordeal, it is not insurmountable.

You can never know in advance how a relationship will turn out. You can’t know for sure if he or she will cheat on you or leave you for someone else. Just like your partner can’t know for sure if you will! It is a kind of bet. If you are too jealous or too possessive in your long-distance relationship and get upset over nothing, you are just as likely to break up for this reason…

Believe in yourself: don’t forget who you are

You are a whole person, and no matter how much you love your spouse, remember that before you chose to go this long way with him … you were living too!
You’re not just half a couple. Even if it may seem inconceivable to you to live without your partner, you will even manage it very well!

If you doubt this, or have been told no, take the time to clear up any misconceptions . Take out a sheet of paper and write down all your qualities, all the good things you have done on your own. What have you accomplished alone? Who have you helped? What are you proud of? Perhaps you have helped your children to flourish, a loved one to find a job, or you have successfully embarked on an activity, professional or not. These are the things that make you remarkable, and you will remain so even if your relationship were to end.

And you, do you show jealousy with your partner? And him/her?

Author: Erika

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