He/she left me at a distance: managing a difficult breakup

You did everything to make it work, you gave it your all in battle, you never gave up. And yet, despite your best efforts, your long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend is gone. This is the problem of the couple: if the efforts are not reciprocal, the relationship often ends up not breaking up… how to recover from this separation? While coping with a breakup isn’t easy at best, here are some tips.

Recovering from a Difficult Breakup in a Long Distance Relationship

Let your feelings come out without shame

Coming out of a breakup is always very complicated. Having to leave someone is a very heavy thing to do, being left is even more so. Difficult days and weeks often follow, grief, sadness, tears…

Although letting go of your emotions is sometimes difficult , it is important to go through these steps to recover from your difficult breakup in a long distance relationship.

This is also the second stage of mourning:

1 – Shock and denial
2 – Pain and guilt
3 – Anger
4 – Bargaining
5 – Depression and pain
6 – Reconstruction
7 – Acceptance

We don’t just talk about “stages of grief” when a loved one dies, but when a big change takes place in your life and someone or something leaves it, leaving you affected. . If your long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend has left you , you will go through each of these stages, at your own pace. Eventually, no matter how long it takes, and even if you feel like your sadness will never go away, rest assured that you will get through this difficult long -distance relationship breakup .

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Why did your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend leave you?

The most important thing in this difficult situation is to question yourself about the breakup. Seek to ask yourself the right question(s). These are the answers that will allow you to move forward. There is a well-known quote from Nelson Mandela that could perhaps be compared to this relationship breakup situation:

“I never fail: either I succeed or I learn”

Indeed, if your partner dumped you during your long-distance relationship, it is because mistakes were made on both sides. First of all, are you sure that distance is the main reason for this breakup? Because indeed, many couples put their separation on the account of the distance, whereas it is often quite other reasons which led them to this result.

Are the kilometers alone responsible for this separation? Or have certain external facts also been able to put their grain of sand in the gears? If he/she left you overnight, that brings up a lot of questions …has he/she met someone?

“He/she is leaving me because of the distance”, the only reason for this breakup?

Getting left is always something very complicated, but once the period of sadness has passed we must analyze it and learn from it so as not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.

Distance can be perceived in 2 ways. For some, it is poison. Many see it as the enemy of love, as the insurmountable obstacle that will break couples one by one. For others, the distance is an indicator of feelings, because it is indeed one of the best methods to test the strength of your love. After all, if your couple was able to survive 2 years of long-distance relationships, what could scare them now?

If you have just separated from your partner, a very short time ago, you may not immediately adhere to the words of this article … Because yes, when the heart is broken, it is very complicated to looking for something positive in a breakup that has just destroyed us. However, you will realize in the long term that analyzing the reasons why your relationship did not work will help you move forward and allow you to better know how to manage your future relationship.

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He/she leaves me at a distance for another / for his/her ex

Keep in mind that you can’t control everything. If your long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend left you for someone else, it’s by no means your fault, despite what he or she may let you know. Being left for another is a complicated life experience to live, which we would do well, of course. But isn’t it better that things ended in a separation? Or would you have preferred to stay together for a long time, knowing that not all of his thoughts were with you?

This is especially true in the case where he/she leaves you for his/her ex : being in a long-distance relationship does not make so much sense in this case if he/she has never really forgotten him/her, as difficult to live as it may be.

Understand the causes of the failure of your long-distance relationship 

Even if this long-distance couple experience failed, see it as a springboard for improvement.

Maybe you won’t act the same way in the future? Maybe you’ll realize that you haven’t set enough limits for your partner? Or are you going to realize that you weren’t trading regularly enough? Perhaps your work or your studies have weighed on the relationship in addition to the distance and that some of your attitudes or reactions have not always been the best? What made that? Why did the partner leave?

These questions are sometimes sharp , and it is often easier to put the break on the back of the ex-spouse / spouse, but it is nevertheless your self-criticism that can bring you the most. Rather than telling you “my boyfriend/girlfriend left me because of the distance”, check if this is the only cause! It’s unlikely. What mistakes have you made? 

Was he really the right person?

Perhaps this separation is not really about you, your behavior and your attitude, but rather about your choice. What if you had trusted a person who after all was not the right one?

If he/she has decided to break up overnight for no apparent reason, or if he/she no longer responds to you , it means that he/she is not a reliable person. Either way, this breakup will make you grow and help you move forward . Don’t be afraid to live alone the rest of your life or never to find someone with whom you will be in symbiosis: there is not only one person in the world made for you, and you will be amazed( e) see the next person you can meet!

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He/she loves me but leaves me: Should you get your ex back?

Depending on the reason why he/she left you and your situation, one of the possibilities is also to go and win back the partner who left . We can only advise you very little on this decision, because the only thing to listen to concerning this aspect is your heart. Who is really your enemy? Was it the distance itself that made you lose everything, or your partner whose love was not strong enough to be able to handle it? Does your partner still love you? It’s up to you to find the answers to your questions, but know that love always finds a way.

Ending a long-distance relationship is sometimes the best solution

Rather than trying at all costs to get your ex back and resume your relationship from a distance, it is better to ask yourself if the breakup was not the best solution.

If your long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you, there were probably a lot of underlying issues. Do you really want to stay long with someone you are not 100% happy with? Maybe you would have stayed together 1 year, 2 years or 3 more years to realize the same balance sheet and go your separate ways.

Even though this breakup is difficult to deal with at the moment, it also has its advantages. It is likely that you will not realize us immediately as the shock of separation is so hard to manage. Being single will free you from the time you won’t be spending on the phone, from the money you’ve been using up until now on trips to find him/her, peace of mind because you won’t have to feel jealous anymore. jealous… a lot of the daily hassle of long-distance love will be spared you. Instead of telling yourself, “My girlfriend dumped me, nothing will ever be the same,” be positive . Tell yourself that this is a revival that could give rise to some nice surprises!

And you, are you in this situation? Have you ever recovered from a difficult separation?

Author: Erika

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